You know those impossible days when you can’t wait to get home in the evening and hug the person you love? Except the person you love is miles away from you and highlight of your daily communication is via skype, on the good days, when it is possible due to signal and good connection, when the other person is not frozen on the screen or being all r2d2 when trying to make a point. Otherwise, you are damned to whatsapp, chats and/or calls, every so often exchanging pictures and explicit videos as that is what you now do, and just when you have the nicest talk phone starts beeping and beeping in your ear as “the quality of your connection isn’t good enough”.
You start remembering all the nicest moments when you were single and if you ever got lovesick it would have been just because you feel sorry for yourself or nostalgic, but now you have much more to deal with like when your beloved is sad and going through some tough time and you just aren’t able to hug him and kiss him and make sure he knows everything is gonna be all right.
Then you realize how it has been over six months since you applied for short stay single entry visa to just be able to get there for a week, months of saving money just for the planes, and the embassy is still very much ignoring you.
None of the listed challenges cannot compare to how hopeless it is not seeing someone for months, beginning to forget his smell, the softness of his skin, the way you spontaneously hug when you are asleep…
We always read about all those things you can do as a couple even so far apart – sleep together over skype, watch a movie, have skype dinner, bla, bla… but no one says how horrible it can actually be. No one mentions the awkwardness of you talking with your loved one on the headphones walking around the city and everyone stares at you as you are speaking foreign language, convinced you are talking to yourself. I’ve never heard that someone genuinely spoke about that edge of your consciousness when you ask yourself whether you actually are talking to a real or imaginary person?
It is super hard at times. And it is making you stronger together. Most couples don’t talk to each other as much as you do, and that is why you know each other that well. Brian said I should write the truth about it, and the truth is – long distance relationship might just be the bravest decision you ever made. And it is almost certainly not the most rational one. But, in the long run, best decisions aren’t always the smartest ones.